Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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