I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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