I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
