We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
