I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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