We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize