white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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