i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
bring money and cleavage
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My feet surprised me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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