you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
