You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend