I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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