I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me