i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.