what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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