I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
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8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?