Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.

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  (410): She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard. http://tfl.nu/ezls
  Replies (9) Good night (611) Bad night (2876)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.

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  (651): you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career. http://tfl.nu/bzxx
  Replies (15) Good night (908) Bad night (3486)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on

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  (732): the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on http://tfl.nu/v7m7
  Replies (41) Good night (6836) Bad night (869)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.

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  (905): My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me. http://tfl.nu/adnf
  Replies (16) Good night (999) Bad night (4622)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that

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  (906): last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that http://tfl.nu/8upf
  Replies (16) Good night (1818) Bad night (5522)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.

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  (954): Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America. http://tfl.nu/l7qb
  Replies (11) Good night (3481) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.

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  (919): I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process. (1-919): Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop. http://tfl.nu/dsex
  Replies (3) Good night (4399) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Thanks, mom.

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  (513): Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection! (1-513): Thanks, mom. http://tfl.nu/k49b
  Replies (17) Good night (4123) Bad night (1260)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina

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  (865): it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina http://tfl.nu/yy9c
  Replies (16) Good night (2319) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.

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  (919): It feels like one of my ribs evaporated. http://tfl.nu/v71y
  Replies (2) Good night (504) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.

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  (586): I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science. http://tfl.nu/0s8c
  Replies (6) Good night (1470) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.

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  (201): I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe. http://tfl.nu/ihd3
  Replies (3) Good night (806) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!

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  (561): I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE! http://tfl.nu/qqyw
  Replies (6) Good night (826) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while

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  (801): Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while http://tfl.nu/pxq7
  Replies (2) Good night (279) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  I can't

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  (216): When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter... (1-216): I can't http://tfl.nu/0pin
  Replies (4) Good night (292) Bad night (799)

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