you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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