Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
