i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
