i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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