So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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