I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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