Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
