I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
