I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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