So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
