dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
