I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
