judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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