Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
