3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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