I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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