I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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