There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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