Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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