And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
