none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
