i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
