I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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