Rock
Scissors
Fuck
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
