I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
