dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
