I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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