he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
