I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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