I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
