When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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