I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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