Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
