when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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