People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Pants are for mortals
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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