This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
