who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
