just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
