You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
