We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize