Yo dont text me then not text me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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