I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
