Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish i was in the wii world.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
