Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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