apparently the secret to your success is patron
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
