her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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