the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
