I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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