I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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