Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I AM VODKA MAN
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
