My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
