a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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