My first STD was from a foam party
Screwed.edu
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
